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Personal questions to ask your girlfriend can look a lot of ways, something I was just reminded of while watching The Ultimatum: Queer Love Season 2 on Netflix. (I’m at the episode where the trial marriages start — no spoilers, please!)
First, there’s the probing, deep questions to ask if you want a better sense of your girlfriend’s values and formative experiences. Then, there’s the more practical line of questioning — which can double as personal questions to ask a girlfriend, too! Watching a group of strangers partner up and cohabitate on The Ultimatum, you see how even seemingly basic questions to ask a girl can crack the door open to masks-off intimacy. Think: “What side of the bed do you sleep on, and why?” “How clean do you keep your space?” And, “how much alone time vs. together time do you need during the week?”
We’re each of us a collection of our big, defining truths and all the small, everyday ways we carry out our lives. Both matter, and asking questions about each can help us build up intimacy and understanding with a partner. In other words, it’s not only cerebral, hard questions to ask your girlfriend — like, what do you think happens when we die? — that strengthens bonds. Learning your gf’s unexpected snack preferences and the type of joke she’s most likely to cry-laugh at are pathways to deeper connection, too. Plus, when you’re falling in love — or there already — it doesn’t matter how big or small new information about your partner is; it all feels important!
So, if you’re ready to get to gabbing, we’re sharing our favorite questions to spark deep conversations to have with your girlfriend below. Whether you’ve been together for five weeks or five years, these — along with some curiosity and judgement-free listening — are sure to push your conversations in a more personal direction. (Make it through the full list? You can always pull more over from our master list of questions for girlfriends, or check out our picks for personal questions to ask boyfriends!)
In this article, find:
- Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend About Childhood
- Deep Questions to Ask a Girl About Values
- Personal Questions to Ask a Girl About Sex & Intimacy
- Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend About Everyday Life
- Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend About the Future
- Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend About Your Relationship
Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend About Childhood
- What’s your earliest memory?
- What did your bedroom look like growing up?
- Who was your childhood hero?
- Were you more of a playground daredevil or rule follower?
- What’s a smell that instantly takes you back to childhood?
- Were you closer to one parent growing up?
- What fictional character did you relate to best as a kid?
- Who was your first best friend?
- What childhood movie did you watch on repeat?
- Who was your first crush?
- What was the first band/artist you fell in love with?
- What family traditions did you love most?
- Did your family eat dinner together regularly?
- Who made you feel safest as a child?
- How did your parents show their approval?
- How did your parents show their disapproval?
- What’s a weird rule your family had?
- What’s a story your family loves to retell about you?
- Were you more of an indoor or outdoor kid?
- What made you feel misunderstood as a kid?
- What’s one part of your childhood you wish you could relive?
- What was your relationship with your siblings then compared to now?
Deep Questions to Ask a Girl About Values
- What’s a core principle you’ll never compromise on?
- Is honesty always the best policy?
- Do you believe people can truly change?
- Is family something you choose or something you’re born into?
- How do you define loyalty?
- Do you believe more in fate or in free will?
- What’s something you think people misunderstand about you?
- Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
- How would you say your values have shifted in the past five years, if they have?
- How do you handle moral gray areas?
- What do you wish more people valued?
- How do you handle failure?
- How do you handle disappointment?
- Would you speak up if you saw something unjust?
- What’s a belief you’ve outgrown?
- When’s the last time you felt truly proud of yourself, and why?
- What role does spirituality play in your life?
- How do you navigate conflict?
- What has navigating conflict looked like for you in past relationships?
- What’s your relationship with ambition?
- What’s a value you learned the hard way?
- When do you feel most grounded?
- What’s a hill you’d die on, metaphorically?
- How do you hold yourself accountable?
- What’s something you’re working on internally right now?
- What does “doing the right thing” look like to you?
- Who taught you your values?
- When have your values been tested?
- How do you protect your peace?
Want more questions? Head here
Personal Questions to Ask a Girl About Sex & Intimacy
- What makes you feel desired?
- What’s a turn-on that’s more emotional than physical?
- What’s something you wish people talked more about when it comes to sex?
- What does good communication during sex look like to you?
- What helps you feel safe in intimate moments?
- Do you believe in “sexual compatibility” as a dealbreaker?
- How do you like to be touched?
- What’s something you’re curious to try, even if you haven’t yet?
- What makes sex feel meaningful to you?
- Do you believe sex always has to mean something?
- What’s one of your favorite intimate memories with me?
- What turns you off immediately?
- What helps you feel cared for after intimacy?
- Have your sexual preferences changed over time?
- What’s something you’ve learned about your own pleasure recently?
- What does eroticism mean to you?
- What do you think makes a relationship sexually healthy?
- Do you think desire changes in long-term relationships?
- Do you prefer to initiate intimacy or vice versa?
Related: 70 Sex Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Your First Time
Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend About Everyday Life
- Do you set an alarm or trust your internal clock?
- What’s one chore you weirdly love doing?
- And which one do you absolutely avoid if you can?
- What does your ideal Sunday look like?
- How tidy do you actually keep your room or apartment?
- What’s your current comfort show?
- Are you more of a night owl or early bird?
- Do you usually unpack right away or live out of a bag?
- What’s your go-to treat when you’re feeling meh?
- How often do you talk to your family?
- What’s your relationship with time? Always early, or always 10 minutes late?
- Are you a meal prepper or a "what’s in the fridge?" type?
- Do you like falling asleep with music, white noise, or total silence?
- How much alone time do you need in a typical week?
- Are you happy with the amount you’re cooking vs. eating out vs. getting takeout?
- Do you make your bed every day?
- Do you run errands all at once or scatter them across the week?
- What’s your biggest pet peeve when sharing space with someone?
- Do you prefer texting, calling, or voice notes?
- How do you unwind after a stressful day?
Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend About the Future
- Where do you imagine yourself living long-term?
- Kids: Biological, adopting or fostering, or not at all?
- What are three adjectives you’d use to describe your dream home?
- What kind of future traditions do you want to create?
- What would you do if money were no object?
- What scares you about the future?
- What do you hope we’ve experienced together by next year?
- Do you want to own something big — like a house, business, or boat?
- Would you ever want to move abroad?
- What’s one goal you’re working toward right now?
- If we hit a rough patch in the future, how would you hope that we handle it?
- What kind of parent do you want to be (if any)?
- Do you see yourself pursuing any advanced degrees one day?
- Would you ever want to work for yourself?
- What’s your plan for handling stress as life gets busier?
- What’s your plan for taking care of your mental health long-term?
- How do you want to be remembered?
Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend About Your Relationship
- What was your first impression of me?
- What’s your favorite memory of us?
- When did you know you had feelings for me?
- What do you think makes us work?
- What’s something I do that always makes you smile?
- What do you think we’ve taught each other?
- What’s a good thing about the way we handle conflict? What’s one thing that could be improved?
- What’s a good thing about the way we communicate? What’s one thing that could be improved?
- When do you feel most secure in our relationship?
- What does commitment mean to you?
- What’s something you want us to work on together?
- How do you think we’ve grown as a couple?
- What’s something I do that makes you feel safe?
- How do you recharge after a disagreement?
- What do you admire most about me?
- What kind of couple do you think we’ll be in the future?
- What kind of rituals or routines make you feel close to me?
- What’s something you’ve learned about love from being with me?
- How do we complement each other?
- What’s a date you’d love to go on again?
- How do you think we handle jealousy or insecurity?
- When was the last time I surprised you — in a good way?
- What’s one tiny thing I do that you love but don’t always say?
- What does quality time mean to you?
- What’s something new you’d love for us to try together?
- What’s the difference between this relationship and your past ones?
- What’s something I could do more often to support you?
- What would make you feel even more appreciated in this relationship?
