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So you’ve watched (and re-watched) the terrifyingly awesome opening credits for Scream Queens and heard straight from the Chanels — one, two, three, and five (you’ll find out about four) — about what to expect from the upcoming series debuting on Fox on September 22.
But are you really ready? Because this satirical slasher series in the vein of Mean Girls cross-pollinated with Scream or Halloween is a roller coaster ride of pop culture references, stinging (and oh-so-quotable) one-liners, and envelope-pushing horror scenes not often seen on the small screen. But, then again, that fearlessness is what we’ve come to expect from creator Ryan Murphy, the mad genius also behind Glee and American Horror Story. But if you need a few more reasons why you need to put Scream Queens on your fall must-watch list, here are nine of them and all spoiler-free. (Warning: You’ll never think of the TLC classic “Waterfalls” or Taylor Swift the same way again after the jaw-dropping season premiere.)
Please meet the ultimate mean girl.
Despite their shared affinity for pastels and coordinating girl gang outfits, Regina George has nothing on Emma Roberts’s Chanel Oberlin. As the reigning queen of the Kappa Kappa Tau house and head bizatch on campus, Chanel ruthlessly lords over the student body, her minions, and terrified pledges with the nastiest, most hilariously politically incorrect barbs this side of Glee’s Sue Sylvester. And she’s no joke as you’ll learn in the premiere. Let’s just say never get her pumpkin spice latte order wrong — ever.
And Lea Michele as Hester, who’s even more awkward than early Rachel Berry.
Forget reindeer sweaters, schoolgirl skirts, and knee socks. Lea Michele’s latest foray on the small screen as outfit-challenged Hester consists of intentionally bad zip-up fleeces, granny skirts, and that accessory-killing neck brace. But wait, she’s wearing puppies again. At least Lea’s keeping her style consistent.
Behold: the best one liners.
Which shouldn’t be that much of a shocker considering that Scream Queens is brought to you by the people we also need to thank for Sue Sylvester, Quinn Fabray, and Santana Lopez — some of the snarkiest, sometimes (all the time) offensive, but dead funniest characters on TV. When one of the gems comes from the dad — “I know you think that sororities are like some sort of magical sisterhood, but it’s actually Game of Thrones once you pull back the veneer” — you know it’s going to be good.
Ariana Grande’s return to the small screen.
We know Ariana Grande has been busy touring, working on a new album, and licking baked goods, but we miss her emoting on our TVs. As the heir apparent Chanel number two, the “Break Free” singer reminds us that she also rocks some major acting talent and is more than capable of throwing out a wisecrack here and there. “I’ll see you ladies in bio. I have a colonic at 10.” Mic drop.
Nick Jonas as a frat boy.
Speaking of singers-slash-thespians, Nick Jonas continues to flex his acting muscles as Boone, a member of the campus frat fondly known as “The Dickie Dollar Scholars” — and, we assume, a frequent patron of Brooks Brothers and Vineyard Vines, judging from those polos and embroidered khakis. Although, maybe the clubby character isn’t that much of a stretch considering that IRL, the youngest JoBro is a member of the world’s most FOMO-inducing celebrity squad.
The most fabulous accessories on television.
Obviously, we expect killer (pun intended) styling from a clique of color-coordinated girls named Chanel and their wannabes, but, seriously, the accessories on this show are on-point. From a plethora of headwear — from headbands to hats to turbans to Chanel number three’s furry earmuffs — to Keke Palmer’s raddest bolo look since Colin Farrell brought the ‘90s staple back on True Detective season 2.
The best argument for dressing like your BFFs.
If you’re going to coordinate outfits with your #squad, might as well go all out. From an Easter egg palette of Chanel (the label)-esque skirt suits to an inspired quartet of furry, fuzzy, and feathery textures to twinning floral prints — the Chanels (the characters) dress like a girl group, all the time. So Scream Queens is basically an hour long how-to-dress-like-your-friends tutorial. The potential for group Halloween costumes is just endless.
All hail Jamie Lee Curtis.
Speaking of… For those uninitiated in the horror movie genre, Jamie Lee Curtis basically put slasher heroines on the map. Before Drew Barrymore answered that landline call in Scream, Jamie Lee was running from Michael Myers as Laurie Strode in the original Halloween in 1978. (Way before she cameo-ed as Jess Day’s mom on New Girl.) So kudos to the casting gods that gave her the role of anti-Greek life Dean Cathy Munsch, the Kappa nemesis on campus that isn’t a devil-masked murderer.
You will experience all the feelings.
Scream Queens has that perfect blend of laugh-out-loud wittiness, squirmy satire, insightful observations about society, warm-hearted moments that might make you a little teary, and an edge-of-your-seat suspenseful storyline. (Not to mention total eye candy in every scene.) But be warned: one second you’re LOLing at one of Chanel number one’s zingers (or a facetiously hil-ah-rious Taylor Swift reference) and the next second you’re cringing and covering your eyes in sheer terror. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
