When Kahwit Tela, 25, thinks of the male influences in his upbringing, his father is top of mind. Tela’s Congolese dad taught him and his brother principles like putting faith into action by helping others, centering care and empathy — principles that Tela now believes are the true cornerstones of masculinity.
But growing up in the U.S., Tela’s definition of manhood didn’t exactly align with what he saw represented in culture at large, which was particularly true in politics. That is, until he learned about Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz.
“I'm originally from a red state, Tennessee. The politics that I saw back home [were] like discouraging critical race theory or banning drag shows, and then going from that place to Minnesota and seeing the governor actually welcome immigrants was a contrast to back home,” Tela says about Walz, Vice President Kamala Harris’s running mate on the Democratic ticket for the 2024 presidential election. “Minnesota was a safe haven for folks who wanted to get an abortion, it was a safe haven for folks who wanted to get gender-affirming healthcare and free lunch. That was the first time I saw someone in politics that wasn't trying to tear people down and make people small.”
Ahead of the election, one that holds the potential for the first Black and Asian American woman to become president, masculinity is playing a different role on the campaign trail. From Walz’s empathetic and kind brand of masculinity, to his son’s emotional tears, to Harris’s husband Doug Emhoff endlessly cheerleading his wife, Democrats seem to be leaning into a softer version of masculinity. On the right, Trump leans into what The Conversation called “protective masculinity,” while his followers glorify him using hyper-masculine depictions and toxic masculinity. Teen Vogue spoke to young men planning to vote on Tuesday to see how these depictions of masculinity are playing out for them.
For Tela, there aren’t any characteristics of Trump’s masculinity that resonate with him. Trump’s comments about Haitian immigrants during his debate with Harris in September were hurtful to Tela as a son of African immigrants, and he says these kinds of disparaging attacks speak to his masculinity.
“I think you're not the bigger man if you just tear people down because they're different from you. Whether it's anti-immigrant rhetoric or homophobic, transphobic, or sexist rhetoric,” he says. “I think you're a bigger person if you show that you care about people who are different from you, as opposed to just ostracizing them and tearing them down because you never know what someone is going through.”
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Stefano Forte, the chairman of the Queens Caucus for the New York Young Republicans, aligns with Trump and Vance’s display of manhood, criticizing Walz’s ability to protect the state he governs. Forte, 26, says Walz didn’t properly protect Minnesota during the 2020 George Floyd protests, which he equates to a lack of masculinity.
Still, Forte points to Walz’s 17-year-old son Gus’ emotional response to his father being nominated at the Democratic National Convention as evidence that he must be a great father, which he says is admirable.
Forte’s maternal grandfather, who immigrated from Greece, and his father are some of his greatest influences on what it means to be a man. He describes his late grandfather as both a hard-working man who provided for his family and also as the “strong, silent type.” Forte recalls hurting himself as a kid and crying in public. While his grandfather told him that “boys don’t cry,” his father encouraged him to express his emotions in private. Forte says his father instilled in him respect for women and the importance of listening to others. Still, Forte says he values Trump’s brand of masculinity because he sees it as necessary for being a leader.
“The bottom line is, when Trump was president, he acted like a man,” Forte says. “He wanted to protect the country. He wanted to make sure that migrants weren't over the border. He wanted to make sure that the country was safe. People could actually have a chance in this country, like my father. I don't know if a lot of people who are in my father's position, who were living in poverty essentially, would be able to lift themselves up in this economy. That is not what a leader does.”
Jeff Perera, who’s been traveling the country to speak about healthy masculinity since 2008, sees a split in young people’s expression of masculinity. People like Tela are embracing a newer definition of masculinity, more open to empathy, softness, and communication. Still, there are countless young men who stick to more traditional ideas like Forte — boys and young men are trending more conservative, polling shows, and are increasingly following hypermasculine and far-right “manosphere” influencers. Research has shown that traditional and narrow definitions of manhood can be harmful — one study from 2017 found that the more a man subscribes to manhood that values emotional repression, self-reliance, dominance, and control, the more susceptible he is to depression, anxiety, bullying and sexual harassment of women, and suicidal thoughts.
“Our ideas of manhood traditionally are that men are the providers, men are strength, men are protectors,” Perera says. “What comes out of this? The harmful notion of masculinity is that you have to become the solution. You're not the problem, you're the solution. So, you're the fixer. You take care of everything, you do it on your own. You don't need to ask for help… And if you need to ask for help, you're weak and soft. And anything that's outside of that impossible standard that we're striving for as men is considered soft or weak and feminine.”
In this way, he says, vulnerability feels like a threat, and to avoid that, Perera says many resort to hypermasculinity, a sort of masking technique that’s more about bluster than actually coping with one’s feelings. This kind of masculinity is returning, he thinks, as a reaction to the pandemic, which left many people feeling uncertain about the future, about their financial stability, and coping with the scars of lockdown. For men, who Perera says often feel they are expected to be the problem solvers, this can be particularly difficult.
“It’s like we're in these emotional stormy waters. You have men who don't have the emotional literacy and don't give each other permission to develop what I call emotional muscle. So love, empathy, being able to read and understand your emotions and take action. A lot of women and gender-expansive people have been given permission from a young age to be emotional,” he says. Perera believes that leaders like Trump who lean into hypermasculinity are standing on the shore and giving men temporary and quick fixes to navigate the choppy emotional waters. He lists manosphere influencers like Andrew Tate as those who are selling young men a quick-fix solution to deal with their emotions that ultimately won’t keep them afloat.
Given the expansive reporting on young men entering the manosphere, it’s clear this brand of masculinity is attractive for many. On the contrary, 25-year-old Jonah Bryson thinks the Trumpian view of manhood is actually a sign of weakness.
“I think strength and confidence is shown through how you take care of people, our planet and our country,” Bryson says. “How you help out the least of these, so to speak, and how you support those who maybe aren't as fortunate as you are.”
Bryson values protection, but doesn’t seem to view it in the same way Forte does. One of Bryson’s greatest influences was his grandfather, who grew up during World War II in Haguenau, a small French village near the German border. His dedication to safeguarding our nation, he says, comes directly from his grandfather, who often spoke to him about the fragility of democracy.
Bryson appreciates Walz’s portrayal of masculinity, denounces Vance’s comments about childless women, and hopes to celebrate the first female president — something Bryson thinks would be a sign of progress for all.
“When [some] folks do better, we all do better. This is about lifting everybody up and when women do better, men do better,” he says. “When young people do better, the older folks do better, and vice versa. That should be something that is exciting for us. So many other countries have not even gotten to that point yet.”
